Why? Why? Why?

• First of all I went to a Party at the University on Monday night. Now keep in mind this is the night of that Jazzercise class I am no longer going to. I don't even get one foot in the door before I realize that right next to the door is the bald 45 year old aerobics instructor. Thankfully he had showered so he wasn't all sweaty but he most certainly was smoking a cigarette. At least he knows how to keep it real. But really why is this sketchy old man hanging out at a Uni Party where its mostly girls under 25, oh wait, I think I have my answer.


• Second today I'm trying to walk to class and across the entrance to the school is all this red and white tape and a big banner that says "Demo gegen Studien Gebuehren" or something like that. I guess the government is trying to raise enrollment fees to 500 Euros a semester, which would amount to a whopping 1000 Euros for each year, times 4 years, 4000 Euros. I'd pay that. Still everyone seems to have their knickers in a bunch about it and so to protest the students tried to block of the entrancee to the school.


• Then this afternoon I went into Ludwigsburg, which will from now on be referred to as the Burg and Stuttgart as the Gart, to take care of some things that I probably should have done a full two months ago when I first moved to the Burg. I went to the Bank and AOK, the health insurance place/thingy/company to change my address. I get to the Bank and immediately realized I made the stupid mistake of showing up at lunch time. The banks are all closed from 11:30 to 13:00 I guess so the employees can enjoy a long lunch of whatever Germans eat and bubbly water. So I go to AOK first and come back, couldn't figure out why the bank was still closed so I went across the street, bought a CD (Wir Sind Helden!!!)and came back. Stupid freaking Bank is still closed. Now its 13:30 so I look at the hours posted on the door a little more closely... And the Bank is closed Wednesday afternoons from 11:30 on. Isn't that special? I'm going to the bank on a Saturday and shopping at 3 am when I get home just because I can. I'm sick of everything being closed.

Crazy, crazy Germany!

And since all of you were so concerned...

My fruit fly bites have gone away. Thanks mostly to the freezing temperatures!

I'm pretty sure most of the fruit flies are dead.

It seems there is an upside to freezing to death. And really I will finally get around to posting something about the weather and my freezing to death. But I need pictures for added effect. So you must wait.

Say, you're not from around here are you?

Okay so I've decided to keep track of where people think I'm from...

• Three for the UK. Two people have thought that because I actually understand and speak German, apparently not a typical American trait, and the third I think just guessed the UK because its close.


• One for New York because I "talk like they do on Seinfeld"


• One for the South because my voice is "soothing" and they thought it had a bit of a Southern twang, not cool.


• About 15 for Australia because I hang out with the Australians

To be continued...

I'm done talking to you fools...

Email it is...

I should be banned from my Handy aka cell phone. I have managed to spend a ri-god-damn-diculous sum on my cell phone bill.

37.90 in Sept
134.72 in Okt (Yes I did cry when I saw the bill)
53.26 in Nov

No more phone for me. It was nice talking to you.

More from München...

And another photo from München. We took this picture after we climbed to the top of the St. Peterskirche.

This is the view from the top. We were there for the first snow of the season and it was so cold, more on the cold later. The big building up close, the spiky one is the old Rathaus (city hall) with the Glockenspiel and by sheer dumb luck we managed to time it right to watch the Glockenspeil from up there. But its actually pretty boring. The building in the background with the two towers is Marienkirche, some church that I'm sure has more significance than I seem to understand.

More photo action...

Okey dokey, these pictures are from München. This first one is in front of a pretty building we found. Not really sure what it was, but its pretty. I think it might be a Egyptian museum.



And then there is Emma and me at the Hofbrau Haus, the location of the first Nazi meeting, eating the most beige on beige meal I have ever had.

And of course its not München without a liter of beer. It was then after this liter of beer that we decided we just had to pay for a bike tour of München. Very, very persuasive beer...

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Enjoy your food, football and families...

I'm going to a Mexican restaurant that has half price drinks all night long because nothing says Thanksgiving like ... well half price drinks at a Mexican restaurant in Germany.

"Gym"

I was going to make fun of this last week, but I thought I should give it another chance/fully understand what I'm making fun of.

Since my four main food groups are, in no particular order, Bread, Brie, Wine and Chocolate I thought it was about time to do something remotely related to exercise and that is exactly what I found.

The school offers free (for obvious reasons) gym classes (judo, yoga, Tae Bo) in the evenings. I'm not so sure what they actually call the Monday night class but any of the following would be appropriate:
1. Sweatin' to the 80's and early 90's
2. George Michael/Cyndi Lauper music video rehearsal
3. Ridiculous sweaty man making up exercises as he goes
4. Germans don't know the first thing about physical fitness, let us show you!
5. A Waste of Time

I could honestly teach a better aerobics class and anyone who knows me is quite aware that I would rather sit on the couch with a chocolate bar than run around all chipper while wearing lycra.

Lets go bit by bit:

1. Germany missed the memo about warming up, stretching and cooling down. There is no order whatsoever to what we do in that class. We might be running around one minute doing jumping jacks and then the next we are stretching out our calves. Then on to something else entirely different. He also likes to end every class with a one minute sprint around the gym, which is essentially the anti-cool down. In addition to that when we stretch, which is rare, we don't hold the stretch. He's all about the bounce. Which is great, because I personally can't think of any better way to injure joints and muscles than to bounce whilst stretching.

2. Perhaps the reason there is no flow/progression to the aerobics class is because the instructor seems to make everything up as he goes. He's also not very creative. We spend up to 20 minutes of the hour class jumping side to side. Which is the move that most makes me want to snap my fingers and dance around singing "Cause I gotta have faith, faith, faith." ala George Michael. Another favorite move of mine is the one where we just flail about and kick our legs around, I'm not really sure what muscle group that focuses on.

3. Music in aerobics classes is notoriously bad. I'm recalling a particularly bad jazzed up version of Enrique Iglesias' "Hero," but the Germans prove time and time again to have worst taste in music. A couple of the "highlights" include two Celine Dion songs, The Proclaimers' "500 Miles," Europe's "The Final Countdown," what ever that horrible Four Non-Blonds song is and "Breakfast at Tiffany's." The rest I have managed to successfully forget.

4. Finally the fashion was a bit too much. I could wear one of those thong leotard things with the biker shorts underneath and I probably wouldn't even attract any attention. Hot pink would ofcourse be the preferable color. There was also a braided fem-mullet last night, very nice touch. Other than that its skin-tight clothing all the way.

So now I want all of you to understand if I come back from Europe fat its not my fault. I've tried to work out. I will be able to teach everyone the coolest 80's dance moves though!

Something is wrong with me...

And I'm not sure what it is. I have however ruled out the following:

1. Measles (no fever)
2. Mumps (no swollen glands)
3. Rubella (no rash on my face)
4. Scarlet Fever (again no fever)
5. Scurvy (while a great suggestion, thank you Gillian, I thankfully don't have bleeding gums)

A thorough search of my World Book computer encyclopedia, pretty much my only source of knowledge and entertainment in my tomblike room, turned up the following articles for "skin rash":

-Chicken Pox (been there, done that)
-Dengue (hmm...only found in the topics)
-Dioxin (no)
-Hives (from what? Germany?)
-Mono (unlikely)
-Portuguese Man-of-War (highly unlikely, besides I'd be dead by now)
-Typhus (no stupor and no delirium, other than thinking that I might actually have a rare deadly disease)

Which leads me to the following explanations for the weird rash on my arms:

1. Carnivorous fruit flies (Yes, I understand that is an oxymoron, but there really are millions of fruit flies in my kitchen)
2. A Vampire (also unlikely, but I did eye the garlic a little too long in the grocery store today, more delirium)
3. Invisible mosquitoes (but that's illogical for two reasons, 1. Invisible mosquitoes don't exist and 2. I don't get mosquito bites)
4. "Some other pirate disease" (also hats off to Gillian on this all encompassing diagnosis, someone is obviously not headed to med school, however this really is one of the best suggestions I've had so far because its the only one I can't easily refute)

So if anyone else has any good suggestions for me I would be happy to hear them because although World Book is a fascinating waste of time it most certainly is not a medical dictionary. And quick before I die from my vampire/fruit fly/pirate disease...

More pictues...

This is apparently an acceptable advertising method in Freiburg...
And more piraty goodness, me hartys!

Frankfurt

Rike and me in Frankfurt two weekends ago...

Berlin!

The most important thing in Berlin ??? The hotel Michael Jackson dangled his baby from of course
And then there's me infront of that whole Brandenburger Tor thing

Pirates we be!

Me and my Austrailian Emmas!

Deutsches Post

Might be Deutsche Post. I'm not sure if its die Post or das Post, der/die/das isn't my strong suit. But I'm pretty sure its not der Post. Wait I'm going to check ... die Post. Scheiße that makes it Deutsche Post... Anyways now that the word Post has lost its meaning, I'm going to get to the point.

I remembered a "good" story.

So I got a package in der Post a few days ago. And the delivery man, who in no way whatsoever looked official in the least. Kept mumbling something in German about paying money. And I just sorta nodded my head, smiled and ja and nein-ed my way though it, which I usually do when I don't understandwhat'ss going on, which is all too often. But then he stopped and looked at me and clearly expected an answer.

After explaining to him in German that I didn't know what the hell he was talking about and that my German isn't that good he switched in to English and asked me, "Do you need to pay for the package?" This was accompanied with some arm waving and pointing in the general direction of the package. Completely confused I tell him no I didn't need to pay for the package, because I didn't or at least I don't think I was supposed to. To which he asked me, "Are you bull shitting me? You're not bull shitting me are you? Are you?"

So now there is a scary "postman" at my door yelling at me about whether or not I'm bull shitting him. And he's trying to take money from me to get a package of clothing from home. At this point I just picked up the package and nein-ed and danke-ed my way away from the door and ran back upstairs.

Anyways maybe I'm not doing a very good job explaining this, but it was very strange and now I have a fear of getting packages in the mail. This is also further evidence that the Germans aren't really asefficientt and on top of things as the rest of the world claims they are. Is it not his job todeliverr packages? (Perhaps it really isn't and he was just trying to scam me for money.) But shouldn't he know for certain if I need to pay? (Which I wouldn't.)

Bottom line, boo on scary Deutsche Post Mann!

Kezboards

Have I taken a moment to complain about German kezboards_ Thez reallz make me verz verz mad. Thez#re reallz hard to use. And now its hard for me to tzpe on an American kezboard, do zou know what I mean_

Yes, that is what you end up with if you try to type like usual. Honestly why would you put the question mark up at the top next to the 0? It takes about 12 fingers to get to the apostrophe and I never realized how much the letter Y is in English till it switched places with the Z. Oh and the @ hangs out with the Q, and you have to press a special button to use it. It took me about 15 minutes to figure out how to get it at first.

So ends mz rant... But I want everyone to appreciate how much effort I've put into typing things right, ok?

Ich bin ein Berliner!

Well not really, actually a pirate!

I went to a costume party on Friday for Fasching. The 11th of November is the first day of Carnival in Germany even though most of the celebration isn't until February. I have to figure out some way to get some pictures online because I make the coolest Captain Morgan ever and you all need to see it! I am always dressing up as a Pirate from now on.

But as much fun as the Fasching party was it has prompted my first alcohol "Detox" in Germany, but only till Wednesday. Ha ha! Its turned out to be a good way to save money, but now that I can't go out for a drink there really is nothing to do in this country on the weekends.

Hmm... I thought I had something else to say...

Berlin

I went to Berlin over the weekend. I've got a lot of pictures I'm going to try and put up soon. It was very cool, saw all the big stuff. Checkpoint Charlie, the Wall, Brandenburger Tor, the Hotel Michael Jackson dangled his baby from, Jewish History Museum...

The train ride however was not fun. And no more of this "punctual" Germans crap. 3 out of my 4 trains over the weekend were late, so I missed my connection both going there and coming back. On the way back from Berlin they just sorta stopped the train in the middle of nowhere and then these official train people were walking around out side the train for about 30 minutes. And then we went again. I'm sure death was upon us.

But by far the best part of my train ride back was not having a seat at all. I paid €55 to stand or sit in the aisles with hoards of other people all day long. I really enjoyed myself.

Gotta go finish my spectaular-ily horrible-tastic presentation on German History.
And I'm not spell checking this so deal with it. It makes the computer go all crazy.

All Saints Day

All Saints Day, also known as the offical day of bordem, was offically boring.

Germany seems to be the land of eternal Sundays, too many hours in the day and not enough to do.

Here is how I celebrated yesterday:

11:00 Wake up.
12:00 Watch "What Women Want"
2:00 Eat, eat, eat
3:00 Watch "The Big Lebowski"/Nap
6:00 Cancel the internet
7:00 Watch "Brother Bear"
9:30 Read Dracula
10:30 Sleep

I don't think I've ever done so little in one day. I'm pretty sure I ate about 3000 calories and burned maybe 20.

And since today is my "friday" tomorrow is once again "sunday."

The Internet

Last update about this I swear. But it is offically no more. I would like a moment of silence for the internet that will never be.