Snow (Part II)

Rumor has it it snowed in Portland thus making my snow nothing special. Morgan sad now.

Its snowing!!!

However I have no photos to prove it, you'll have to take my word on it. Or maybe devote all of your free time to finding a webcam that shows Stuttgart or Ludwigsburg. I'm sure one is out there.

But that "snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes" thing is a bunch of crap they just end up in my eyes and I'm blinking wildly and I can't see. But I guess that isn't very poetic and wouldn't fit into the song that well. But it's the truth.

Bis Später

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this whole internet thing for a while, I'll be traveling soon (Salzburg, Prague, Berlin, Frankfurt) so if I don't talk to you...

Merry Christmas!!!!

Camping...

No matter what I do this country is slowly changing me. I'm becoming more German whether I like it or not.

Just the other day I realized that I view food like a German now. How does one do that? You might ask. There are only two basic food guidelines the Germans live by.

1. Refrigeration is not necessary.
2. Use by dates mean nothing.

At home I avoid dairy products like the plague, but here I'll eat eggs that are sold at room temperature. They don't even get refrigerated at home most of the time. Who knew? I guess you don't have to refrigerate eggs, I haven't died yet. (In case of an untimely death do to unrefrigerated eggs I'd like that last sentence to be stricken from the record.)

They also sell some cheeses at room temp and I'm not okay with that yet. Give me time. I refuse however to touch the long life milk. I don't know what they do to it before they put it in those little cartons that can sit around for months but I don't want any part of it.

Furthermore, I've discovered that juices don't really need to be in the fridge either. I drank some OJ last weekend that had been opened a couple of days before and then sat out on the counter and I've lived to tell.

And about the sell by dates...

Just last night I was going for my Ananas (Pineapple) juice and decided purely out of curiosity to check the use by date. It said use within 4 days of opening.

Time for more of my finger calculations. (I've lost all math ability I once possessed.) Juice opened on Wednesday. This was Tuesday. Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues. 7...hmmm. Close enough to 4. Look who's still alive!

So all this means is that either Americans are paranoid when it comes to food or I'm not dying because I already made the intentional decision to pretend like I'm camping this year.

Just pretend you're camping, pretend you're camping.

• the day old food
• uncomfortable bed
• messy kitchen full of fruit flies
• filthy shower
• smelly toilet
• the spiders that have take the whole place over
• dirty dishes
• air drying laundry
• owning 2 plates, 2 cups, 2 bowls, etc

All of it no longer bothers me.

Camping, camping, camping, camping, camping, camping...

Proof that there is a Simpsons episode for everything...

I had my Bart moment the other day. You know that one episode where he gets sent to France and ends up working as a slave and he has to make wine the really cool way with his feet?

But then he's walking down the street and its raining and he's upset and then he just breaks into fluent french.

My moment wasn't quite like that.

I'm not in France, I wasn't walking in the rain and sadly I don't get to make wine with my feet but I'm also not a slave, so I guess thats good. But I did recently realize that I can speak German without any problem.

I'm not saying I speak it fluently or without mistakes but I can actually speak German. Its quite exciting. Share my joy.

A question for the masses...

Or the five or so people who routinely read my blog and humor my lame ramblings.

I unfortunately found myself at a concert last night. And it is only after paying the 4€ cover charge that I discover that this music is either God-rock or something that sounds too much like God-rock for my liking. Needing to share my pain with others I text the only person I can count on to text me back, my brother. Yes I have no friends.

It was 8:30 pm or 20:30 here in the Burg.
8:30 + 3hrs... (9:30, 10:30, 11:30)
That was me counting in my head.
Switch the pm to am, that's 11:30 am in Ptown.

However, the texts came in with the time on them as 14:40, 14:45 and so on.
This caused my head to hurt. Not only was I at a God-rock concert but the texts were coming in with the wrong time, which also put them in my inbox underneath some text messages that I hadreceivedd from a friend in Germany at 15:30, a full 5 hours earlier.

Definitely not 14:30 in the Burg.
Definitely not 14:30 in Ptown, I even checked my fool-proof math several times. I was worried for a while that it really was 2:30 pm in Ptown and I simply struggle adding 8 and 3 together.
So where was it 14:30?
On the east coast.

What does all this mean?
I have no idea and this is why I need your help.

Which of the following is true?

a) My cell phone is possessed by the Devil.
b) My brother is possessed by the Devil.
c) Portland is in a time vortex.
d) God-rock is the cause of my problems.
c) 24 hour time is far too confusing.
e) All of the above.
f) None of the above.

Yes, I'm still sitting here...

Don't really have the energy to write anything creative here... Basically the Germans are allowing the bastardization of their own language. Why? No idea. But they seem all too eager to take on new English words. Everyday I see more and more English. Even though the French might be a bit arrogant at least they are interested in keeping their own language.

Just a few of my favorite "German" words...

checken, Timing, chatten, Teamwork, einzoomen, auszoomen, surfen, Snack, shoppen, relaxen, Power, chillen, flirten, Popstar, Fashion, Cocktail, Song, To-go, Fastfood, Fan...

And its not just pop culture words they're adopting. Further proof the German langauge is going to disappear over time...Denglisch

Happy Weekend!

I have nothing of value to say and I have absolutely nothing to do with myself until Monday morning when I have class again. And thats why I'm sitting here in the computer lab writing about nothing.

I've just got blogging FOMO so I need to write something.

So begins my 67 hours of nothingness...

Das Radio

So here we are...Crazy smoke filled apartment approx. 2 square feet in size. About 30 people crammed in there. A bunch of crazies doing crazy stuff. Dancing on tables to shitty Euro-pop, flirting with the strange Australian guy (no man should own a beige sweater), just general strange party behavior made all the stranger because its Germany.

Everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves getting their euro-groove on to euro-hits. The Emmas and I are however horrified. And then it gets much worse...

(And this is a prime example why you CANNOT play the radio at a party.)

Some crappy song ends and the station heads into a commercial.

Party fau pax nummero uno.

So someone flips over to the next station. And what's playing...Josh Groban.

Now we've got Joshy G. in the background belting out "You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains, You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas..."

Now this is the point in a movie or a beer commercial for example when you would hear that record stopping scratchy noise. Party would be over.

No, not in Germany. They don't change the station! Party fau pax Number Zwei. Everyone is still hanging out like this music is completely acceptable. It most certainly is not!

So now the Emmas and I are staring at the radio like we're expecting it to apologize for this shitty music...

Emma1: What's going on? I don't get it.
Me: Yeah I'm not sure, but it shouldn't be doing that.
Emma2: The radio at home never does that.
Emma1: Yeah, I agree. Our radios play much better music.
Emma2: Something must be wrong with it. Do you think its broken?
Me: You lift me up, to more than I can be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emmas: No! Not you too!

Thankfully the song eventually ended at which point Cher came on. Still crap, but much more respectable party music that Josh Groban! And NOW they change the station. Party fau pax number three! You can't go changing music mid song!

I shall never understand you silly nation called Germany.

Look at me go!

I'd like to take a minute to pat myself on the back. For once I'm not sucking at that little thing called life.

• Made it out of bed before 10 am since God knows when.


• Went to the drug store, because Germany likes to be inefficient and you can't buy Shampoo and the like at a grocery store.


• Then I went to the bank (managed to not arrive during the Mittagspause, points for that!) and monkeyed around in there for a bit trying to figure out how to solve my internet-assclowns-stealing-my-money-for-the-internet-connection-I-never-received problem, and you know what? I think I actually got it taken care of.
  
  And as an aside, I would like everyone here to know that I have gotten so much better at this taking care of things in German business. I've perfected my smile and nod when I don't know what the hell is going on, which is far too often. But I've also gotten very skilled at using the fewest German words for the greatest effect. Throw the words gekundigt, Konto, kein Geld bezahlen, Vertrag and a couple of Bittes into something that somewhat resembles a sentence and lo and behold I'm getting €40 credited to my account. Who knew I could speak a foreign language!
  
  Still I am fully expecting to deal with this horse shit in another couple of months. At least I'll be ready when it happens.


• Finally took some piece of paper dealy over to the landlord (auf Deutsch = Hausmeister!) Should have turned the paper in by the 18th of November, got abrieff talking to in German about that, but still better spät than never.


• And I ate an apple today. Which was a nice reprieve from my usual bread and beer. Yes some of thstereotypeses of Germany are true.

All around a very productive day. You would think I would learn to take care of these things when I'm supposed to, not one to five weeks later, as is my usual.

Certainly I'll see the humor in this someday

Those internet A-holes have done it again. Stuck it to me. Kicked me while I'm down. Honestly what have I done to deserve this?

Do you remember when I made that big stink about canceling my internet net, oh I don't know, about two months ago? I certainly do. I even have the canceled contract with my signature on it. Surly I didn't imagine it all, did I?

So I get home from a day trip to France on Saturday, yes I am such a world traveler...To be quite honest its the first time I've left this ridiculous country since I first made my entry 3 months and one day ago. Anyway, I check my mail box. My initial excitement at receiving something is quickly dashed when I realize its something corporate.

Assuming its just junk mail or something of the sort I almost don't even open it. But I do, and it is, drum roll please... A bill for the internet. The internet that I never had. The internet that I canceled. The internet that I would beat up in a dark alley if given the chance.

Rage! Pure unadulterated rage!

I was expecting to pay for the internet for the first month because it took that long to set it up, even though it never worked. Interestingly enough this bill isn't even for October, the month I expected to pay for. That bill never came. Instead its a bill for November and December. For serious.

Furthermore the money has already been withdrawn from my account so I'm probably going to spend the next 8 months I'm in this ri-god-damn-diculous country jumping through hoops to get my money back.

Further, furthermore I have to go talk to the internet morons AGAIN and their ONE office hour of the week is still during my class.

Come on Germany, get your act together. I can't take much more of this.

Less alcohol, more water!

Thats the plan for this weekend. Might have over done it a little bit last night. But all is well this morning. Water is a good thing.

I'm going to France on Saturday for the day. Where I will probably drink and forget entirely about my "less alcohol, more water" policy. Actually chances are I'll go to the Christmas Market in the Burg today, need a Glühwein and forget entirely about my "less alcohol, more water" policy sooner than I had intended to.

I'm also going to watch Napoleon Dynamite (!!!!) with some friends this afternoon and I might actually be more excited about that than I am about going to France.

But right now I'm going to go start my laundry because its far too cold to become a nudist at this time of year and I'm 100% out of clean clothing.

Happy weekend machen!

Add one for the UK

I'm pretty sure that Germans think the UK is the only English speaking country. I got asked AGAIN the other night if I'm from the UK. And when I say "Nein, USA" (Keep in mind that's pronounced uuuh esss aaah) they sorta pause, think about it and then go, "Achso" like they had forgotten all about the US.

At least I'm not from Australia, this one German lady asked the Australians if Australia was close to the UK. Ouch.