Morgen Morgan

Work or Something Like It...

2008-03-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

Things I did at work today...

Filled out a NCAA bracket even though I haven't watched one single college basketball game this year
Updated my resume and mumble mumble applied for a mumble job mumble
Did the crossword puzzle
Attempted the Sudoku, I couldn't be bothered to finish, I'm not very smart
Chatted online with just about everybody I could harass (a word I'm starting to think that I used too much)
Spent almost 5 full minutes trying to twist the lid onto my coffee mug, again I'm not very smrt
Played the usual 3+ hours of Free Cell
Changed the jug on the water cooler, which is probably the most productive thing I did all day, and yes I pulled several muscles
Looked at lolcats which even I'm starting to get a tad sick of
Wrote this post
Died a little on the inside

Busy day obviously. And I'm gearing up for more of the same tomorrow.

Also I saw another Wie Geht's? plate, this one was WIE G8S, which I'm about 9000% positive is different from the first Wie Geht's? plate I saw. What is UP with Lake Oswego and ZGermans?

Onward and Eugeneward

2008-03-14T15:17:00.000-07:00

Going to Eugene tonight. Very excited, more or less, it'll at least be nice to have plans for the weekend. And I'm over due for some Mr. Bill's Trivia action. Its not the same at Mickey Finn's for some reason.

Here is something completely unrelated now...

I keep seeing stupid license plates here in West Linn where I have the (mis)fortune to work. Some of my favorites:

4TUN8
HUMBL
GR8FL

And don't worry all of these were on ridonkulously expensive cars. Pretty nauseating, huh? I'm keeping my eyes peeled for more, I'm sure they're out there.

However West Linn's evil twin Lake Oswego is home to what are quite possibly the two coolest plates I've ever seen:

GTN TAG
WIEGHTS

Ahh! So cool, I know!

My New Policy

2008-03-11T21:52:00.000-07:00

So I have a new policy and it's called honesty. You might even say it is the best policy. I'm not saying that I'm a liar most of the time and that I've decided to start telling the truth. What I'm saying is that I try to be nice and beat around the bush and I end up paying for it. The truth "hurts" but do you know who it hurts? Everyone else, thats who. The person telling the truth actually comes out on top. We'll see how this works out.

Oh and I <3 Meggie-Poo. Still trying to figure out what I'd do without her. And I'm off to by my jug of self-o-steem... or to cry in the shower ala Tobias.

einatmen...ausatmen...

2008-03-08T16:24:00.000-08:00

Thats all I have to say.

Also I think that the Buffalo Gap needs to be banned. That place seems to be crawling with bosses and guys with less game than the average 7 year old.

And I'm back...

2008-03-07T14:26:00.001-08:00

I was waiting for something to prompt me to write and I finally found it.

Have you ever read the Lake Oswego "Police Blotter"? It's pretty quality. As we all know Lake Oswego is an impoverished town plagued by crime, violence and drugs. Lock your doors and keep your children close! Here are some of the highlights:

2/12/08 1:59 p.m. A caller wanted information about tinting vehicle windows.

2/13/08 11:02 a.m. An injured deer was seen on Iron Mountain Boulevard. An officer found the deer and determined it had a good chance of survival and left it alone.

2/13/08 4:02 p.m. Two females were walking on Pilkington Road and noticed that a man on a bike appeared to be watching them.

2/14/08 9:33 a.m. A low-hanging branch on Westview Drive was hitting the tops of trucks and SUVs.

2/15/08 9:24 a.m. An older female was standing in the intersection of McVey and State Street for 15 minutes.

2/15/08 11:34 a.m. Two cars on Alyssa Terrace were cited for parking more than 12 inches from the curb. Residents are advised to keep a measuring stick in their cars when parking here.

2/15/08 1:34 p.m. Two juveniles were reportedly tossing a ball into traffic. Police couldn’t find the juveniles or the ball.

2/15/08 7:29 p.m. A group of teens were at a park on Fourth Street, hanging out at the picnic table. One came to a person’s door and asked for a condom. The group was playing a game of truth or dare. Sometimes it’s better to tell the truth.

2/13/08 2:36 p.m. A woman said someone had changed her address at the post office.

Is it possible that Lake Oswego exists in some sort of time warp? Would any of these incidents actually qualify as a crime or warrant calling the police in any other city? This certainly backs up what everyone has been saying for years, don't speed in Lake Oswego because the police have nothing better to do than pull you over.

I swore it would never happen...

2007-06-26T16:15:00.001-07:00

So I have to admit to two things that I thought would never ever happen. First... I bought Crocs. Really, I never thought this would happen. I've hated Crocs forever. Then I saw the Mary Janes and they're really cute. And they're comfortable. And I wouldn't mind having a second pair in pink. Obviously this is how it starts. Before you know it I'm going to be one of those people who thinks Crocs are appropriate for every occasion.

Okay this one is a bit more embarrassing. But there are these weddings this summer and I've got to wear dresses to several events and well I happen to like chocolate and beer and food in general too much to worry about trying to lose those "five extra pounds" that I wouldn't even consider "extra" if there weren't these weddings. That sentence was a bit of a run-on but I'm not in grade school anymore so we're gonna let it slide. Anyways, the package claimed I'd look 10 pounds lighter in 10 seconds. We'll see how well it works. I just hope this doesn't mean I am one step closer to becoming Bridget Jones. Except I will take Colin Firth.

The wheels on the bus go round and round...

2007-06-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

Remember when field trips on yellow school buses were fun? Everyone fought to sit over the wheels or in the little half seat in the back of the bus that you could have all to yourself? You'd sit with your friends, make too much noise and try to get passing truck drivers to honk you. Fun, huh? Yeah those days are over. I had the misfortune of riding on a school bus this week for the first time in at least 8 years and it was nervousing. (Yes I know that's not a word, but it should be.)

School buses are not what they used to be. Now they are little more than big yellow death traps on wheels. It certainly didn't help that the bus driver couldn't have been more than 15. Don't you at least have to have a licence to drive a bus full of children? Also I think he had his 13 year old girlfriend riding shot gun. Do their parents know they stole the keys?

I was also very comforted by the fact that he had to ask how to get back to the camp from OMSI. Uh, isn't that sorta what you're paid to do? Drive a bus from point A to point B and then, oh I don't know, back again!? Right.... And lucky for all of us the best way back involved the Ross Island Bridge and the awful merge you have to make onto Powell. At least it seems that other drivers hit their brakes when they see a bus pull out in front of them.

Back to the bus though... In case anyone was wondering school buses still look like this on the inside. They are still filthy. The same lame graffiti is still written on the back of the seats. They still have the same first aid kit hanging by the stairs, which by the way, I am almost certain is either empty or full of band-aids from the 60's. And the windows are still entirely impossible to open. Isn't there even a Seinfeld bit about that? Maybe I just made that up, anyways there should be if there isn't.

But mayhaps the most exciting revelation of the whole trip was realizing that the little light box up above the driver actually serves a purpose. I specifically remember watching that light box as a child and wondering what the hell it was for. Why the lights were lighting up when they did? Was there some sort of pattern? A secret meaning behind the lights? That light box is a brilliant invention. It is there to calm the nerves of anyone on the bus who drives, is paying attention and happens to not enjoy careening across I-5 on the Marquam Bridge in a bus going 60. The lights show you when the driver is or is not using his breaks, is or is not signaling and when death is or is not mere moments away. Thanks little light box! You made the bus right slightly more manageable...

Working hard or harldy working?

2007-06-18T20:03:00.001-07:00

So working wasn't half bad. Essentially I got paid to go to camp. I liked story time the best! Hopefully tomorrow I can hear how the story ends. I'd say I was kidding but anyone who knows me probably already knows that I'm 100% serious. If I could get away with reading juvenile lit I'd be reading the Boxcar Children right now. Or Little House on the Prairie. Hell I might actually re-read that just because.

And on a completely unrelated note this is the funniest picture ever.

I'm in lurve with this website.

Work(ing for the man)

2007-06-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be my first full day of work in just short of forevah. Wish me luck! Here's to becoming an adult...

Oh and I have to wear a shirt that is the ugliest shade of beige I have ever seen. Hence the new quote.

Gradumawation

2007-06-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

Am I supposed to be proud of myself? Because I'm not. Majoring in German is quite possibly the most ridiculous decision I've made in... well, quite some time. Paying 80 bucks for an N'sync concert is up there though.

It's a bad sign when the German office manager asks you what you plan on doing with your degree and your only response is some sort of explosive noise of laughter and disgust. It's even worse when he laughs and tells you "That sounds about right." Then he went on to tell me that it's a good thing I'm a double major. Uhh, awkward moment of silence...

He followed this up by telling me that just having "the ol' sheepskin" will open up a lot of doors. Nice save. I hope he's not joking. I have been told this by a few other people so there must be some element of truth to it. All I'm hoping is that I fall ass-backwards into something that pays moderately well before too long.

So basically I'm very excited to graduate tomorrow and even more excited to start paying off my student loans. Oh well, I guess its too late to change my mind now and in my own defense if I had it to do over I'd most likely make the same choices. Maybe I should just be happy to have had the chance to waste four years having fun, meeting cool people and studying something I enjoy. Right?

I'm dunskies!

2007-06-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'm done. 100%, completely, entirely and fully done, fertig, gefinished.

Uh, now what?

I feel like the fish at the end of Finding Nemo. You know, they make their escape and there they are floating in the harbor. So here I am floating in a bag of water in the harbor. How was that for a deep analogy of my life?

What the hell am I supposed to do now? This is as far as I've planned (which I'm cool with) because I'm starting to think plans are overrated. Or maybe I'm just telling myself that because I have no idea what I'm doing.

But really shouldn't having no plans be a good thing? It doesn't mean I'm going to do nothing, it means I could do anything. (How was that for deep?) Also I do have plans, sort of. I'm working for the summer and then hopefully going to Switzerland. Then who knows...

And now for some quotes I found... don't worry they aren't too sappy. I don't do sappy quotes.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. --Elbert Hubbard

Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise. --Alice Walker

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed. --Corita Kent

Live your life and forget your age. --Norman Vincent Peale

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. --Robert Frost

Men, for the sake of getting a living, forget to live. --Margaret Fuller

Oh the awkward things I do!

2007-06-11T19:54:00.001-07:00

Note to self: Next time take off your sunglasses before trying to put your sweatshirt on because its just plain embarrassing getting stuck in your sweatshirt because you can't fit your huge sunglassed head through the neck. It's also embarrassing when you're in a very public place, say in front of the library surrounded by tons of people because come on small children can dress themselves I shouldn't be having this much trouble.

Proof that this is a common problem for me:

Ode to Eugene

2007-06-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

Things I'll miss about Eugene:

dutch bros and cafe roma coffee
"crack bagels" from Market of Choice
the opportunity to annoy my brother on a daily basis
not having to stop for yellow lights
dance parties in Emily's parents' kitchen... Tiny Dancer anyone?
the dollar theater
going to bingo night week after week at Eugene City Brewery even though I never ever win
the Glenwood's omelettes
Ducks games
all the crazy people that hang around campus
the Knight Library
the lawn in front of the library, even though they put that obelisk up
idk, my bff bella
Burrito Boy's muy delicioso burritos
and in general all the shenanigans that go along with being in college

Things I won't miss about Eugene:

ants
meth-heads
the fact that a yellow light doesn't mean stop it means there is still enough time for you and the 16 cars behind you to get through the intersection
allergies
constantly being confused by the streets downtown
Taylor's, and the people who frequent Taylor's
Massey Auto commercials... Finance it!
in fact all local commercials
and the local news, even though it is kinda fun to watch just to see how far into the broadcast they can make it without messing up, usually about 15 seconds
Friendly Hall and all the mind-numbing hours I've spent there
bad cellphone reception
all the streets that probably should have been repaved about 12 years ago

I'm sure there's more... I might add to this later.

This one is for Lindsey(bella)

2007-06-06T23:03:00.000-07:00

Hope you enjoy...

So I'm watching Dane Cook's Vicious Circle DVD for the second time. Its not that funny. So why am I watching it again you might ask? Basically because I live my life by Arrested Development quotes and "It never hurts to double check."

And so yeah, not that funny. Mostly he thinks he's really funny, which makes him much less funny than he otherwise would be. He's like Jimmy Fallon who could never make it through one single Weekend Update on SNL without laughing about how funny he thinks he's being. Get over yourself. We get it you're funny. You talk, I'll laugh.

See this, among a plethora of other reasons, is why I'm not a comedian. I can't say things that I think are funny without laughing hysterically. Which is probably why people don't think I'm as funny as I think I am. If they could only hear what I'm trying to say, well then they'd be laughing too.

Jim Gaffigan however is funny. Very, very funny... YouTube him if you aren't already aware of how funny he is. I can't program a VCR, I'm here to help. Where would you like me to stand terrified? Because that will be my contribution.

Also if I were a comedian I wouldn't spell it comedienne. Because thats just stupid.

Huzzah!

2007-06-05T18:05:00.000-07:00

So I finished my Kafka paper and I have to say, even though it's going to sound incredibly pretentious, my high school English teacher was right when she said Metamorphosis is only worth reading in German. Perhaps from now on when people ask my why I chose to study German I should tell them I did it so that I could read Die Verwandlung. Seriously I hated it as much as humanly possible, if not more, when I had to read it in high school and now its without a doubt my favorite thing I've read all year.

My favorite thing? Is that right? Should it be the favorite thing? No that would sound worse. Perhaps I should have said "it was the best thing I've read all year." Yeah that would have been much better. I'd go back and change it but... well then we'd lose this fantastic side note.

Here's another one. The more fluent I become in German the more my English suffers. Is this normal? A few weeks ago I wrote my first paper in English in ages and actually had to look up German words to figure out what English words I wanted to use. That is not good. Is there a reason we can't introduce behaupten to the English language? Pretty much it was a poorly articulated paper full of misused prepositions and grammatical errors. But by far the gem of the paper was: "Shakespeare is an effective playwright because he effectively affects the audience." Still got an A though! Good thing I switched the class to Pass/No Pass because I was convinced I was gonna fail.

Is it possible that I am stupider and more ill prepared for life after 4 years of college than I was after leaving high school. Weep... Who wants to hire me? Ich spreche Deutsch!

I feel a list coming on:

2007-06-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

Things I would rather do than write my final German papers:

Anything.
Staple things together. No this isn't some sort of clever Jack Johnson reference. I have absolutely no idea what that song is about but I genuinely like stapling things together. Is that normal? Don't like calling it bad weather though. (That was a reference.)
Listen to unplayed music in iTunes, because it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something, even though I'm obviously avoiding accomplishing things just to listen to the Trainspotting soundtrack/Ween/Norwegian hip-hop. I'm down to 1.3 hours, which means I need some new new music. Any suggestions?
Drink daiquiris.
Brush up on my African nations. I'm still missing 15, but mostly because I can't spell those countries correctly, not because I don't know about them.
There's also this link which is yet another über cool way to waste time. I may or may not have forgotten Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan... pretty much the entire Middle East. Whoops...
Argh I wanted to get to 10 but I don't think that's gonna happen. I'm a bit distracted and I blame the daiquiri. I should probably just go to bed. How is it 10 already?
Anyways (yes I know that 's' doesn't technically belong) I'm just gonna keep on writing till I get to 10.
Hmmm I could do laundry, that would be more fun than my paper.
P.S. 11 days and 15 hours till graduation.

Sorry this list turned out to be so lame. I'll try harder next time. Maybe.

ugh...

2007-06-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

I ate too much, curse you Dough Co. and your Pesto Chicken Calzone. Now we're watching Star Wars. Boo. I've only seen parts of the original three so pretty much I don't care about number one at all. But in general I'm thrilled to be part of Gillian's trilithon. Who doesn't like watching trilogies? It'd be fun to watch the Terminator trilogy, or um, pretty much anything besides Star Wars.

Its Saturday, I should be having fun. Weep. I spent the better part of my day in the library working on my various papers... got one of them done, but still have two to go. Actually I am having fun but basically that says more about my pathetic life than anything else.

Yes! The projector crapped out... maybe I can convince my friends to do something cool... laters.

I'm Bach...

2007-06-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

You can be Mozart. And together we're gonna try this again. It's been a while but I think I'm gonna try this whole blog thing out again. Could be interesting/fun/a waste of time or all three. Either way its bound to work better now that I actually have internet.

Hmmm... I guess this is pretty short, but baby steps.

They're all just jealous!

2006-07-18T02:29:00.000-07:00

So what you have a pirate party, and then an M party (everyone has to dress up as something that starts with the letter M) and then an Aladdin party and suddenly everyone thinks your a bit strange.

Somebody asked us last week if we were capable of having a non-themed party. So now we're thinking the next theme party should be, "This party has no theme." That or we were thinking a mime party. How creepy would it be to see 20 people all hanging out in black with white face paint?

But honestly they're just jealous. They wish their costume-less BBQs could be half as cool as our costume-erific ones. You should see the looks we get.

The M party was the best however. Its perfectly normal to dress up as Miss Piggy, Marshall Mathers with measles, a Mule, a Mummy, Marijuana, a Marine or like me a bottle of water (trust me it fit the theme). If only I could post pictures...

Football isn't coming home...

2006-07-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

Stupid Italy.

One corner kick and suddenly I'm out a pitcher of beer and the opportunity to dress up in black, red and yellow and pretend I'm German.

I even had dem Herz in der Hand and der Leidenshaft im Bein. I guess there is always 2010.

But mathematically speaking Germany should have won. Deutschland won the cup in 1954, 1974 and 1990.

54 X 74 - 1990 = 2006

I'm not kidding you, check the math for yourself if you want.

I suppose it really is my own damn fault...

2006-06-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

I've got my second World Cup injury.

So the first injury wasn't so embarrassing just a bit pathetic. I watched two soccer games on one day slouched down in a couch and ended up with a bruised neck. Not so bad, I recovered quite quickly.

Yesterday injury is a bit more shameful.

We went into Stuttgart to watch the game with thousands of other drunk sweating soccer fans and after spending a good 4 hours in the sun and watching Germany win 3-0 over Ecuador we decided it was time for a little fountain swimming...

Let me clarify before anyone asks. I was not drunk. I may have split a full bottle of Malibu with my roommate before 2pm in the afternoon but this was around 6 and therefore I was not drunk. I was not drunk.

I highly recommend fountain swimming with other rabid soccer fans after a German win, but I don't recommend belly flops. The first one went well. The second one...

I managed to plow head first, or shall I say nose first into the piping on the bottom of the fountain. Hurt like a mother. And now I have a bruised nose, and forehead... and I managed to bruise my arms somehow.

Okay maybe I was still a little bit drunk.

Anyways... Go Deutschland!!!

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner of Champions

2006-06-14T01:10:00.000-07:00

I realized yesterday that for the last month and a half I've pretty much only eaten chocolate and pizza and only had coffee and alcohol to drink...

Maybe I should try eating some fruit.

My life is not entirely bohemian...

2006-06-12T02:24:00.000-07:00

I shower, occasionally. I don't have a mangy dog that follows me every where and I don't play hackysack all day long in Pioneer Courthouse Square. But I'm sure if I just apply myself I'll be there shortly.

Actually today I have many important things to do. Australia plays Japan. The US plays Czech. Someother country plays someother country. I have yet another Pirate Party to attend. (For those of you who are counting I do believe this is Pirate Party number 4... or 5. I've lost count.)

Those of you who have shitty jobs and are looking for other slightly less shitty jobs, if it makes you feel better I have lots of school work that I should be doing. That and I'm exactly one year away from having a useless German degree and then I will too be working at a shitty job looking for another slightly less shitty job.

But until then I'm going to play Frisbee and drink beer...

Sorry...

2006-06-09T03:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah so I haven't posted in approximately forever and I was sorta hoping no one would notice. No such luck. So here I am...

See the actual reason I stopped posting is because I realized that my life is far too boring to write about.

I have however stopped laying on the kitchen floor all day... I've moved myself outside. I now lay on the grass like a civilized person.

No joke yesterday one of the other students here commented on how we're always in the exact same place on the lawn. We spent about six hours out on the grass yesterday. About two hours of which I spent playing Solitaire because I'm just that anti-social, I watched Montana Lyle throw a knife at a tree for about 45 minutes, watched Stephan lay on the grass in the fetal position pretty much the whole day with a hang over, ate some chocolate, drank some Pepsi ... wild times, no?

In much more exciting news the World Cup starts today! deutSCHLAND! deutSCHLAND! deutSCHLAND! Here's to a month of required beer drinking and TV watching. Man my life is hard...

What day is it again?

2006-03-26T03:46:00.000-08:00

Ten signs that I have way too much free time here in Germany...

I can spend hours reading and sometimes even rereading the same trashy celebrity gossip magazines, that are not only more than a year old, but are also from Australia. Embarrassingly enough the magazine is just as interesting the second time through, which might have something to do with my goldfish memory.
I've rediscovered my love for laying (or is it lying?) on kitchen floors.
I willingly rented and watched Elizabethtown and wasn't entirely disappointed, but only because there is a 15 second shot of Portland in the beginning. (Orlando Bloom works for a giant shoe company named Mercury, owned by a man named Phil with a huge campus just outside of Portland. That's funny, it sort of reminds me of this other giant shoe company named Nike, also owned by a man named Phil, that also has a huge campus just outside of Portland. I'm sure its just a coincidence...)
I can't remember what day it is for more than 2 hours.
I've been awaiting the ripening of the avocado I bought three days ago like a kid waits for Christmas.
Making dinner is often the most exciting part of the day.
Looking up Whoopi Goldberg on imdb.com is actually an activity that can pass the time.
Talking about what a top athlete I am still hasn't gotten old. I've actually put my free time to good use and started running.
Reading ESPN online is is an exciting way to spend an afternoon.
And I can't even come up with a number 10 because I'm now so pathetic and have so much free time I can't even be bothered to get up off the kitchen floor and get dressed most days.

Long Time Gone

2006-03-18T03:56:00.000-08:00

Hello, yes, hi, me again. I haven't completely disappeared. I've just been lazy... not that it really matters whether I write or not, I'm quite positive there are only about 5 of you out there that actually read this thing.

A short recap:

Went to Italy for a week. Ate too much Pizza, saw the leaning tower of Pisa and the lesser known leaning tower of Bologna. Wandered around, drank coffee, saw a church or two, an art museum or two (saw David) slept in the airport then came home.

Went to London/Brighton for a week. Ate fish and chips, drank too much coffee, wandered around, tried to find jeans with out Euro-bling all over them, saw Brokeback Mountain, went to a couple museums, spoke a lot of English, slept in the airport and then came home. You know, the usual.

Now I'm back in the Burg doing ... well nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've become an expert at wasting time. I've become a full fledged athlete. I've been running twice. I'm good at watching DVD's, I've been averaging 2 a day. Impressive, no?

And that's about all.

Thanks Napoleon...

2006-02-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

Yes indeed this store claims to sell what is probably the best Czech Art Glass, but like anyone can even know that.

And here is a not so nice picture of me (its small for a reason)in front of yet another fortress. Trust me though, this would be a very nice picture of a very pretty castle if my ugly mug wasn't in it. But I had to prove I was there right?

So, um, how was the drive? Seriously a car from Georgia on the street in Prague. Europe you just keep getting stranger and stranger.

And on a side note and to fill up more space I am fully aware of just how piss-poor the lay out of this post is, but seeing as its taken me two months to even get these pictures up here I couldn't possibly be bothered trying to make it look presentable.

So shhhh, just enjoy.

Severely delayed photos...

2006-02-22T07:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I'm a bit disappointed that German speaking people speak such good English. Everyone loves a good bad-transatlion and while Euorpe is not the engrish.com photo breeding ground that Asia is I have managed to find a couple of poorly translated signs.

I found this one in Salzburg over Christmas break (hence the "severe" delay). Its from the museum in the Fortress where they are multi-lingual enough to show a video that inturns the language every 10 minutes.

P.S. Here is what the Fortress looks like...

Lovely weather, eh?

I am very busy and important

2006-02-20T05:58:00.000-08:00

Really I've got so many things to take care of now that my 2 month vacation has started. I've become a full time expert commentator for the Olympics. I have a poster I want to hang on my wall. A couple of letters to mail. Muffins to make. Tea to drink. More Olympics to watch. And... um... hmm???

Anyways those of you, and I'm sure there are many, who are eagerly awaiting my return to the good ole USA, mark your calendars! Aug. 4th at 19:49

Valentines Day and Germany

2006-02-15T06:49:00.000-08:00

No those two things aren't really related to each other, Germans don't really celebrate love. I think they're more into hate. They won't even hold the door for someone.

Honestly how many times in the has someone way ahead of you insisted on holding the door for you forcing you to awkwardly and quickly hurry to the door so they don't have to wait too long? It's practically a daily occurrence, right? But its what you do. Not in Germany. I've been here more than 5 months and not one person has held a door open for me.

Furthermore I was going to class one day and when I get to the door there is this little old cleaning lady trying to get her janitory cart thing through the door. Her mop was falling over, and the door barely opens 90° and what's the German there doing? Waiting and looking annoyed that she's taking so long getting her cart in the building. Had itoccurredd to him that if he just held the door for the LITTLE OLD LADY he'd already be in the building by now? So as I held the door open I gave him my best Way-To-Go-Self-Centered-Ass-Hole-Prick-Can't-You-Hold-The-Door-For-Someone-?-Look but I'm not sure if I got the point across.

Okay now I'm completely on another topic...

All I was going to say is that I commiserated the holiday with German wine and German chocolate, yes, self-bought of course, and that's about all.

And about Germany I was going to say it is crazy. And this is why:

Stereotypically people think Germany is very efficient, organized and systematic. However Germany is infact the polar opposite. Take any simple task, procedure or activity and Germany will prove to you time and time again that it has found a way to make it as difficult as possible.

Whenever you go to a swimming pool at home its usually a fairly simple procedure. You give your money to whoever is working there and you get a Sharpie mark on your hand, or if the place is really high-tech maybe a stamp on the hand. Not in Germany...

I went swimming at a pool in Stuttgart last Friday, and to get in you buy a blue plastic coin from an automated machine. You have to select how long you want to be there, and student or adult ticket.

Then you put the blue coin in a turnstile (I'm sure that word is misspelled but Blogger is being a little B right now) thingy, wait for the coin to come back out, and then walk through. If you've bought a student/youth coin a white sign above your head starts flashing (it says "Youth" in German) to alert the people, that do in fact work there but couldn't possibly be bothered to do anything, so they can make sure you aren't lying to the machine.

So now this blue coin of yours is as important as life itself. If you lose it you have to pay to get out again.

Now the locker room...Alll the changing rooms are these bizarre two doored contraptions. So you walk in one door and the only way to get out once you've closed the door is to pull this even morebizarree lever thing, at which point the doors fly open into you. Honestly I wish I could have taken a picture of it, but I am fully aware that having a camera in a swimming pool locker room would be a tad inappropriate.

There was something more to say about the crazy German pool but now I forgot, oh well.

P.S. I get to be a pirate again tonight!

Neue Wohnung!

2006-02-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

I've finally managed to drag all my meager belongings down the street to my new place and fully enjoyed losing, finding, re-losing and re-finding many things in the process.

Lost my washing card, found my chapstick, lost my sunglasses, found my washing card, lost my Spanish notebook, lost a letter with an address that I need, found the notebook, lost the washing card again, lost my keys, found my keys, found the washing card, still looking for the address though...

Pretty much it looks like my old room vomited everything I own into my new room, so whenever I look for one thing it involves moving everything around and misplacing things that I'm going to end up looking for tomorrow.

But all in all:

Old Roommates = Boo! (Didn't even tell them I was moving out, managed to escape with out being spotted)

New Roommates= Yay! (They know how to wash their dishes, clean, actually talk to me, etc...)

This is how bored I am...

2006-01-31T04:28:00.000-08:00

So in an attempt to waste my ample free time today I found my way to this website. Its a great source for all sorts of information you don't need about the 50 states. (For example Minnesota has 87 counties, Utah's motto is "Industry" and the geographic center of Pennsylvania is 2.5 miles southwest of Bellefonte.) But each state has a little saying under its name when you open it up. What exactly do some of these mean?

Illinois: A Million Miles From Monday
Connecticut: We're Full Of Surprises
Alaska: North! To Alaska
Idaho: Discover Idaho
Wisconsin: Stay Just A Little Bit Longer
New Jersey: New Jersey And You Are Perfect Together
Maryland: So Many Things To Do So Close Together
New York: I Love New York
Oregon: Things Look Different Here
Kentucky: Always In Season
Texas: It's Like A Whole Other Country
Virginia: Virginia Is For Lovers

Personally I think Wisconsin sounds a little too desperate to make friends, I don't like the New York East Coast bias and just exactly what looks different in Oregon? Is this different good or different bad?

Who thought these things up? And why? None of these phrases have compelled me to visit these (most likely) fine states (except for Idaho, because I've been there and its butt).

Sigh...

2006-01-30T01:48:00.000-08:00

There is a full salad sitting in the recycle bin. It is as if someone made a salad, let it sit around for a day or two and then placed the whole thing on top of the recycle in the bin. PUT IT IN THE GARBAGE!!!!!!

Sorry had to get that out of my system. T-minus 63 day till I can move...

Its around here somewhere...

2006-01-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

I have been losing things left, right and center lately. A short list...

A pair of gloves
One legwarmer, just one
One earing, also just one
A book about Frankfurt
Chapstick, and no joke, my lips hurt real bad
Any ability to speak the English language

I'm sure there will be more to add to this later.

Snacky Whaty?

2006-01-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

I'm addicted to crack. Sad, but true. Look at this lovely photo I took to show all of you. It says it right there on the front, Snacky Cracky... Furthermore do you see that sketchy man in the corner trying to seduce that poor women, who also looks young enough to be his child, with his snacky cracky. Its just all kinds of wrong. But oh so right... They must contain crack. I can't stop eating them.

Seriously, Seriously, Seriously

2006-01-20T03:40:00.000-08:00

Guess who got yet another bill from the cable company for the internet that still never worked?

Sigh...

Exactly what makes my roommates the stupidest people in Germany and possibly the world as a whole

2006-01-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

Before I begin I want everyone to know that none of this has been fabricated or exaggerated. My roommates are truthfully stupid filthy losers.

Just today I came home to find soap in the sink and in splotches all over the counter, however all the same dirty dishes were sitting on the counter where they have been for anywhere between 1 day to 2 weeks. There were no clean dishes anywhere in sight. Which begs the question, What exactly is going on here with all this soap?
However, if someone were to wash dishes there would be no where to put them because the same dishes have been sitting in the dish drain for about 2 weeks now, probably the last time anyone that is not me did dishes. The dishes in the dish drain have now become the prime fruit fly hangout, personally I would wash them again. Ofcourse they wont since they have enough trouble getting dishes washed in the first place.
The bottles of oil and the pan that were passive aggressively moved from the counter (where they sat for 1 week) to the floor on or around December 18th are still sitting there.
Dishes passive aggressively moved from the counter onto the stove on top of a baking sheet a few days ago have now been passive aggressively relocated to the kitchen table where they will probably sit for all of eternity.
The colander (why a colander?) full of onions (why so many onions?) sitting on the table was covered in fruit flies for about 3 days until someone decided to do something about it. How does my brilliant roommate solve this problem? She puts a cloth over the onions. Honey! Its a colander, its full of holes, infact all those tiny fruit-fly-sized holes is the defining characteristic of a colander. Do you think the fruit flies aren't going to find their way in? Quick check under the cloth... What do you know, fruit flies!
The whole point of the compost bin, other than the spawning of millions of fruit flies, is to put food garbage in. Why then is there bread, rotting lemons, tea bags and containers of yoghurt sitting out in the open in the recycling bin? Are you trying to make it easier for the fruit flies?

And that's as much ridiculousness that I can bear to list right now. More later...

But seriously what don't the Germans understand about passive aggressive behavior? Ja, passiv aggressiv? Either do something obnoxiously passive aggressive in return or do something with your damn dishes!

My increasing stupidment

2006-01-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

Its official. I no longer have an grasp on the English language whatsoever.

Just yesterday I was looking up a German word in the dictionary (Bedrückung) but I couldn't find it, instead I found the corresponding verb (bedrücken) which in English means, to depress/hold down.

So from the verb its easy to figure out what the noun means. The act or state of being depressed/held down. So I take out my little paper with new words on it (look at me actually putting out effort to learn this language) and write down...

Bedrückung = Depressment

It wasn't until about 10 minutes later that I looked at that again and thought. Depressment, depressment... that can't be right.

So I try looking up Depressment in the dictionary and can't find it surprise surprise...I did however find Depression...narf.

And it is only now a full day later that I realized that oppression would have been an even better word. I clearly should never teach English.

The Return of the Walkman

2006-01-09T05:51:00.000-08:00

Get it to-get-her Deutschland. Seriously, what's the deal? Welcome to 2006.

Deutschland, 2006. 2006, Deutschland.
Please, get to know one another.

For a country well known for its engineering I simply don't understand how you can be so far behind the game technologically.

I have now spotted two people listening to Walkmans on trains in the last few weeks, and quite frankly that is two too many. I'm not sure what they are thinking but the cassette player is never going to be the 8 Track. It will never be cool again. Let it go. Welcome to the 90's, er...um...Behold 2006!

Yes as I am sitting here on the train typing this on my laptop the poor soul across the aisle from me is popping cassette tapes in to his circa 1986 Walkman.

Where does one even buy cassette tapes anymore or would I be correct to assume that the music he is listening to also comes from the 80's? All too likely.

Shouldn't he be embarrassed to be using that thing in public? I'm not trying to be a music elitist here, I understand iPods are expensive, but a Discman perhaps? He's paying at least 17 Euros for this train ticket right now. If he can afford that then a Discman can't be too far out of his price range. Doesn't a friend of his have a Discman he can have? Are all of his friends just as technologically disadvantaged as he is? Seriously I would give him my old Discman right now if I had it on me. Perhaps he's using his Walkman in public as a cry for help. Somebody help this man!!!

Come on Germany its time we leave the Walkman at home where it belongs. Right next to the Right Said Fred and INXS cassettes.

Christmas or something like it...

2006-01-09T05:27:00.000-08:00

Like the wannabe Christmas tree? Tis the season to decorate with paper Christmas trees made by your sisters.

My Bathroom

2006-01-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

My Bathroom smells like my roommates peed all over the place before they left for the break.

Just thought I'd share.

(P.S. I'm moving soon, not soon enough though.)

Stupid VVS!!!

2006-01-04T01:54:00.000-08:00

Verkehrs Vebund Stuttgart is now on my shit list. Apparently they have decided to ring in the new year by raising the subway tickets. It now cost me €2.90 to get from the Burg into the Gart. Lame! Good Lord thats a lot of money.

On another note however I'm glad that I don't live if Freiburg. They call their public transportation system the VAG. Go ahead sound that one out, not very pretty right? Now sound it out German style, V's sound like F's. Also not the most appropriatee name for city transport.

Anyways I feel much more comfortable complaining about the VVS and not the VAG.

Back in the Burg...

2006-01-04T01:48:00.000-08:00

Don't really have the energy right now to recap my vacation, maybe later. I'm going to try and put up pictures tomorrow. But I'm back in the Burg and I'm bored. Call, email or text me!!!! Come on!!! I'm bored!!! You're no fun.

Snow (Part II)

2005-12-20T08:36:00.000-08:00

Rumor has it it snowed in Portland thus making my snow nothing special. Morgan sad now.

Its snowing!!!

2005-12-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

However I have no photos to prove it, you'll have to take my word on it. Or maybe devote all of your free time to finding a webcam that shows Stuttgart or Ludwigsburg. I'm sure one is out there.

But that "snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes" thing is a bunch of crap they just end up in my eyes and I'm blinking wildly and I can't see. But I guess that isn't very poetic and wouldn't fit into the song that well. But it's the truth.

Bis Später

2005-12-15T02:41:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this whole internet thing for a while, I'll be traveling soon (Salzburg, Prague, Berlin, Frankfurt) so if I don't talk to you...

Merry Christmas!!!!

Camping...

2005-12-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

No matter what I do this country is slowly changing me. I'm becoming more German whether I like it or not.

Just the other day I realized that I view food like a German now. How does one do that? You might ask. There are only two basic food guidelines the Germans live by.

Refrigeration is not necessary.
Use by dates mean nothing.

At home I avoid dairy products like the plague, but here I'll eat eggs that are sold at room temperature. They don't even get refrigerated at home most of the time. Who knew? I guess you don't have to refrigerate eggs, I haven't died yet. (In case of an untimely death do to unrefrigerated eggs I'd like that last sentence to be stricken from the record.)

They also sell some cheeses at room temp and I'm not okay with that yet. Give me time. I refuse however to touch the long life milk. I don't know what they do to it before they put it in those little cartons that can sit around for months but I don't want any part of it.

Furthermore, I've discovered that juices don't really need to be in the fridge either. I drank some OJ last weekend that had been opened a couple of days before and then sat out on the counter and I've lived to tell.

And about the sell by dates...

Just last night I was going for my Ananas (Pineapple) juice and decided purely out of curiosity to check the use by date. It said use within 4 days of opening.

Time for more of my finger calculations. (I've lost all math ability I once possessed.) Juice opened on Wednesday. This was Tuesday. Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues. 7...hmmm. Close enough to 4. Look who's still alive!

So all this means is that either Americans are paranoid when it comes to food or I'm not dying because I already made the intentional decision to pretend like I'm camping this year.

Just pretend you're camping, pretend you're camping.

the day old food
uncomfortable bed
messy kitchen full of fruit flies
filthy shower
smelly toilet
the spiders that have take the whole place over
dirty dishes
air drying laundry
owning 2 plates, 2 cups, 2 bowls, etc

All of it no longer bothers me.

Camping, camping, camping, camping, camping, camping...

Proof that there is a Simpsons episode for everything...

2005-12-13T02:44:00.000-08:00

I had my Bart moment the other day. You know that one episode where he gets sent to France and ends up working as a slave and he has to make wine the really cool way with his feet?

But then he's walking down the street and its raining and he's upset and then he just breaks into fluent french.

My moment wasn't quite like that.

I'm not in France, I wasn't walking in the rain and sadly I don't get to make wine with my feet but I'm also not a slave, so I guess thats good. But I did recently realize that I can speak German without any problem.

I'm not saying I speak it fluently or without mistakes but I can actually speak German. Its quite exciting. Share my joy.

A question for the masses...

2005-12-12T07:35:00.000-08:00

Or the five or so people who routinely read my blog and humor my lame ramblings.

I unfortunately found myself at a concert last night. And it is only after paying the 4€ cover charge that I discover that this music is either God-rock or something that sounds too much like God-rock for my liking. Needing to share my pain with others I text the only person I can count on to text me back, my brother. Yes I have no friends.

It was 8:30 pm or 20:30 here in the Burg.
8:30 + 3hrs... (9:30, 10:30, 11:30)
That was me counting in my head.
Switch the pm to am, that's 11:30 am in Ptown.

However, the texts came in with the time on them as 14:40, 14:45 and so on.
This caused my head to hurt. Not only was I at a God-rock concert but the texts were coming in with the wrong time, which also put them in my inbox underneath some text messages that I hadreceivedd from a friend in Germany at 15:30, a full 5 hours earlier.

Definitely not 14:30 in the Burg.
Definitely not 14:30 in Ptown, I even checked my fool-proof math several times. I was worried for a while that it really was 2:30 pm in Ptown and I simply struggle adding 8 and 3 together.
So where was it 14:30?
On the east coast.

What does all this mean?
I have no idea and this is why I need your help.

Which of the following is true?

a) My cell phone is possessed by the Devil.
b) My brother is possessed by the Devil.
c) Portland is in a time vortex.
d) God-rock is the cause of my problems.
c) 24 hour time is far too confusing.
e) All of the above.
f) None of the above.

Yes, I'm still sitting here...

2005-12-09T04:56:00.000-08:00

Don't really have the energy to write anything creative here... Basically the Germans are allowing the bastardization of their own language. Why? No idea. But they seem all too eager to take on new English words. Everyday I see more and more English. Even though the French might be a bit arrogant at least they are interested in keeping their own language.

Just a few of my favorite "German" words...

checken, Timing, chatten, Teamwork, einzoomen, auszoomen, surfen, Snack, shoppen, relaxen, Power, chillen, flirten, Popstar, Fashion, Cocktail, Song, To-go, Fastfood, Fan...

And its not just pop culture words they're adopting. Further proof the German langauge is going to disappear over time...Denglisch

Happy Weekend!

2005-12-09T04:09:00.000-08:00

I have nothing of value to say and I have absolutely nothing to do with myself until Monday morning when I have class again. And thats why I'm sitting here in the computer lab writing about nothing.

I've just got blogging FOMO so I need to write something.

So begins my 67 hours of nothingness...

Das Radio

2005-12-07T05:09:00.000-08:00

So here we are...Crazy smoke filled apartment approx. 2 square feet in size. About 30 people crammed in there. A bunch of crazies doing crazy stuff. Dancing on tables to shitty Euro-pop, flirting with the strange Australian guy (no man should own a beige sweater), just general strange party behavior made all the stranger because its Germany.

Everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves getting their euro-groove on to euro-hits. The Emmas and I are however horrified. And then it gets much worse...

(And this is a prime example why you CANNOT play the radio at a party.)

Some crappy song ends and the station heads into a commercial.

Party fau pax nummero uno.

So someone flips over to the next station. And what's playing...Josh Groban.

Now we've got Joshy G. in the background belting out "You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains, You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas..."

Now this is the point in a movie or a beer commercial for example when you would hear that record stopping scratchy noise. Party would be over.

No, not in Germany. They don't change the station! Party fau pax Number Zwei. Everyone is still hanging out like this music is completely acceptable. It most certainly is not!

So now the Emmas and I are staring at the radio like we're expecting it to apologize for this shitty music...

Emma1: What's going on? I don't get it.
Me: Yeah I'm not sure, but it shouldn't be doing that.
Emma2: The radio at home never does that.
Emma1: Yeah, I agree. Our radios play much better music.
Emma2: Something must be wrong with it. Do you think its broken?
Me: You lift me up, to more than I can be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emmas: No! Not you too!

Thankfully the song eventually ended at which point Cher came on. Still crap, but much more respectable party music that Josh Groban! And NOW they change the station. Party fau pax number three! You can't go changing music mid song!

I shall never understand you silly nation called Germany.

Look at me go!

2005-12-06T05:09:00.000-08:00

I'd like to take a minute to pat myself on the back. For once I'm not sucking at that little thing called life.

Made it out of bed before 10 am since God knows when.

Went to the drug store, because Germany likes to be inefficient and you can't buy Shampoo and the like at a grocery store.

Then I went to the bank (managed to not arrive during the Mittagspause, points for that!) and monkeyed around in there for a bit trying to figure out how to solve my internet-assclowns-stealing-my-money-for-the-internet-connection-I-never-received problem, and you know what? I think I actually got it taken care of.

And as an aside, I would like everyone here to know that I have gotten so much better at this taking care of things in German business. I've perfected my smile and nod when I don't know what the hell is going on, which is far too often. But I've also gotten very skilled at using the fewest German words for the greatest effect. Throw the words gekundigt, Konto, kein Geld bezahlen, Vertrag and a couple of Bittes into something that somewhat resembles a sentence and lo and behold I'm getting €40 credited to my account. Who knew I could speak a foreign language!

Still I am fully expecting to deal with this horse shit in another couple of months. At least I'll be ready when it happens.

Finally took some piece of paper dealy over to the landlord (auf Deutsch = Hausmeister!) Should have turned the paper in by the 18th of November, got abrieff talking to in German about that, but still better spät than never.

And I ate an apple today. Which was a nice reprieve from my usual bread and beer. Yes some of thstereotypeses of Germany are true.

All around a very productive day. You would think I would learn to take care of these things when I'm supposed to, not one to five weeks later, as is my usual.

Certainly I'll see the humor in this someday

2005-12-05T01:18:00.000-08:00

Those internet A-holes have done it again. Stuck it to me. Kicked me while I'm down. Honestly what have I done to deserve this?

Do you remember when I made that big stink about canceling my internet net, oh I don't know, about two months ago? I certainly do. I even have the canceled contract with my signature on it. Surly I didn't imagine it all, did I?

So I get home from a day trip to France on Saturday, yes I am such a world traveler...To be quite honest its the first time I've left this ridiculous country since I first made my entry 3 months and one day ago. Anyway, I check my mail box. My initial excitement at receiving something is quickly dashed when I realize its something corporate.

Assuming its just junk mail or something of the sort I almost don't even open it. But I do, and it is, drum roll please... A bill for the internet. The internet that I never had. The internet that I canceled. The internet that I would beat up in a dark alley if given the chance.

Rage! Pure unadulterated rage!

I was expecting to pay for the internet for the first month because it took that long to set it up, even though it never worked. Interestingly enough this bill isn't even for October, the month I expected to pay for. That bill never came. Instead its a bill for November and December. For serious.

Furthermore the money has already been withdrawn from my account so I'm probably going to spend the next 8 months I'm in this ri-god-damn-diculous country jumping through hoops to get my money back.

Further, furthermore I have to go talk to the internet morons AGAIN and their ONE office hour of the week is still during my class.

Come on Germany, get your act together. I can't take much more of this.

Less alcohol, more water!

2005-12-02T01:04:00.000-08:00

Thats the plan for this weekend. Might have over done it a little bit last night. But all is well this morning. Water is a good thing.

I'm going to France on Saturday for the day. Where I will probably drink and forget entirely about my "less alcohol, more water" policy. Actually chances are I'll go to the Christmas Market in the Burg today, need a Glühwein and forget entirely about my "less alcohol, more water" policy sooner than I had intended to.

I'm also going to watch Napoleon Dynamite (!!!!) with some friends this afternoon and I might actually be more excited about that than I am about going to France.

But right now I'm going to go start my laundry because its far too cold to become a nudist at this time of year and I'm 100% out of clean clothing.

Happy weekend machen!

Add one for the UK

2005-12-02T00:55:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure that Germans think the UK is the only English speaking country. I got asked AGAIN the other night if I'm from the UK. And when I say "Nein, USA" (Keep in mind that's pronounced uuuh esss aaah) they sorta pause, think about it and then go, "Achso" like they had forgotten all about the US.

At least I'm not from Australia, this one German lady asked the Australians if Australia was close to the UK. Ouch.

Why? Why? Why?

2005-11-30T06:35:00.000-08:00

First of all I went to a Party at the University on Monday night. Now keep in mind this is the night of that Jazzercise class I am no longer going to. I don't even get one foot in the door before I realize that right next to the door is the bald 45 year old aerobics instructor. Thankfully he had showered so he wasn't all sweaty but he most certainly was smoking a cigarette. At least he knows how to keep it real. But really why is this sketchy old man hanging out at a Uni Party where its mostly girls under 25, oh wait, I think I have my answer.

Second today I'm trying to walk to class and across the entrance to the school is all this red and white tape and a big banner that says "Demo gegen Studien Gebuehren" or something like that. I guess the government is trying to raise enrollment fees to 500 Euros a semester, which would amount to a whopping 1000 Euros for each year, times 4 years, 4000 Euros. I'd pay that. Still everyone seems to have their knickers in a bunch about it and so to protest the students tried to block of the entrancee to the school.

Then this afternoon I went into Ludwigsburg, which will from now on be referred to as the Burg and Stuttgart as the Gart, to take care of some things that I probably should have done a full two months ago when I first moved to the Burg. I went to the Bank and AOK, the health insurance place/thingy/company to change my address. I get to the Bank and immediately realized I made the stupid mistake of showing up at lunch time. The banks are all closed from 11:30 to 13:00 I guess so the employees can enjoy a long lunch of whatever Germans eat and bubbly water. So I go to AOK first and come back, couldn't figure out why the bank was still closed so I went across the street, bought a CD (Wir Sind Helden!!!)and came back. Stupid freaking Bank is still closed. Now its 13:30 so I look at the hours posted on the door a little more closely... And the Bank is closed Wednesday afternoons from 11:30 on. Isn't that special? I'm going to the bank on a Saturday and shopping at 3 am when I get home just because I can. I'm sick of everything being closed.

Crazy, crazy Germany!

And since all of you were so concerned...

2005-11-28T07:05:00.000-08:00

My fruit fly bites have gone away. Thanks mostly to the freezing temperatures!

I'm pretty sure most of the fruit flies are dead.

It seems there is an upside to freezing to death. And really I will finally get around to posting something about the weather and my freezing to death. But I need pictures for added effect. So you must wait.

Say, you're not from around here are you?

2005-11-28T06:53:00.000-08:00

Okay so I've decided to keep track of where people think I'm from...

Three for the UK. Two people have thought that because I actually understand and speak German, apparently not a typical American trait, and the third I think just guessed the UK because its close.

One for New York because I "talk like they do on Seinfeld"

One for the South because my voice is "soothing" and they thought it had a bit of a Southern twang, not cool.

About 15 for Australia because I hang out with the Australians

To be continued...

I'm done talking to you fools...

2005-11-28T03:34:00.000-08:00

Email it is...

I should be banned from my Handy aka cell phone. I have managed to spend a ri-god-damn-diculous sum on my cell phone bill.

37.90 in Sept
134.72 in Okt (Yes I did cry when I saw the bill)
53.26 in Nov

No more phone for me. It was nice talking to you.

More from München...

2005-11-25T03:39:00.000-08:00

And another photo from München. We took this picture after we climbed to the top of the St. Peterskirche.

This is the view from the top. We were there for the first snow of the season and it was so cold, more on the cold later. The big building up close, the spiky one is the old Rathaus (city hall) with the Glockenspiel and by sheer dumb luck we managed to time it right to watch the Glockenspeil from up there. But its actually pretty boring. The building in the background with the two towers is Marienkirche, some church that I'm sure has more significance than I seem to understand.

More photo action...

2005-11-25T03:28:00.000-08:00

Okey dokey, these pictures are from München. This first one is in front of a pretty building we found. Not really sure what it was, but its pretty. I think it might be a Egyptian museum.

And then there is Emma and me at the Hofbrau Haus, the location of the first Nazi meeting, eating the most beige on beige meal I have ever had.

And of course its not München without a liter of beer. It was then after this liter of beer that we decided we just had to pay for a bike tour of München. Very, very persuasive beer...

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

2005-11-24T04:30:00.000-08:00

Enjoy your food, football and families...

I'm going to a Mexican restaurant that has half price drinks all night long because nothing says Thanksgiving like ... well half price drinks at a Mexican restaurant in Germany.

"Gym"

2005-11-22T05:29:00.000-08:00

I was going to make fun of this last week, but I thought I should give it another chance/fully understand what I'm making fun of.

Since my four main food groups are, in no particular order, Bread, Brie, Wine and Chocolate I thought it was about time to do something remotely related to exercise and that is exactly what I found.

The school offers free (for obvious reasons) gym classes (judo, yoga, Tae Bo) in the evenings. I'm not so sure what they actually call the Monday night class but any of the following would be appropriate:
1. Sweatin' to the 80's and early 90's
2. George Michael/Cyndi Lauper music video rehearsal
3. Ridiculous sweaty man making up exercises as he goes
4. Germans don't know the first thing about physical fitness, let us show you!
5. A Waste of Time

I could honestly teach a better aerobics class and anyone who knows me is quite aware that I would rather sit on the couch with a chocolate bar than run around all chipper while wearing lycra.

Lets go bit by bit:

1. Germany missed the memo about warming up, stretching and cooling down. There is no order whatsoever to what we do in that class. We might be running around one minute doing jumping jacks and then the next we are stretching out our calves. Then on to something else entirely different. He also likes to end every class with a one minute sprint around the gym, which is essentially the anti-cool down. In addition to that when we stretch, which is rare, we don't hold the stretch. He's all about the bounce. Which is great, because I personally can't think of any better way to injure joints and muscles than to bounce whilst stretching.

2. Perhaps the reason there is no flow/progression to the aerobics class is because the instructor seems to make everything up as he goes. He's also not very creative. We spend up to 20 minutes of the hour class jumping side to side. Which is the move that most makes me want to snap my fingers and dance around singing "Cause I gotta have faith, faith, faith." ala George Michael. Another favorite move of mine is the one where we just flail about and kick our legs around, I'm not really sure what muscle group that focuses on.

3. Music in aerobics classes is notoriously bad. I'm recalling a particularly bad jazzed up version of Enrique Iglesias' "Hero," but the Germans prove time and time again to have worst taste in music. A couple of the "highlights" include two Celine Dion songs, The Proclaimers' "500 Miles," Europe's "The Final Countdown," what ever that horrible Four Non-Blonds song is and "Breakfast at Tiffany's." The rest I have managed to successfully forget.

4. Finally the fashion was a bit too much. I could wear one of those thong leotard things with the biker shorts underneath and I probably wouldn't even attract any attention. Hot pink would ofcourse be the preferable color. There was also a braided fem-mullet last night, very nice touch. Other than that its skin-tight clothing all the way.

So now I want all of you to understand if I come back from Europe fat its not my fault. I've tried to work out. I will be able to teach everyone the coolest 80's dance moves though!

Something is wrong with me...

2005-11-15T02:43:00.000-08:00

And I'm not sure what it is. I have however ruled out the following:

1. Measles (no fever)
2. Mumps (no swollen glands)
3. Rubella (no rash on my face)
4. Scarlet Fever (again no fever)
5. Scurvy (while a great suggestion, thank you Gillian, I thankfully don't have bleeding gums)

A thorough search of my World Book computer encyclopedia, pretty much my only source of knowledge and entertainment in my tomblike room, turned up the following articles for "skin rash":

-Chicken Pox (been there, done that)
-Dengue (hmm...only found in the topics)
-Dioxin (no)
-Hives (from what? Germany?)
-Mono (unlikely)
-Portuguese Man-of-War (highly unlikely, besides I'd be dead by now)
-Typhus (no stupor and no delirium, other than thinking that I might actually have a rare deadly disease)

Which leads me to the following explanations for the weird rash on my arms:

1. Carnivorous fruit flies (Yes, I understand that is an oxymoron, but there really are millions of fruit flies in my kitchen)
2. A Vampire (also unlikely, but I did eye the garlic a little too long in the grocery store today, more delirium)
3. Invisible mosquitoes (but that's illogical for two reasons, 1. Invisible mosquitoes don't exist and 2. I don't get mosquito bites)
4. "Some other pirate disease" (also hats off to Gillian on this all encompassing diagnosis, someone is obviously not headed to med school, however this really is one of the best suggestions I've had so far because its the only one I can't easily refute)

So if anyone else has any good suggestions for me I would be happy to hear them because although World Book is a fascinating waste of time it most certainly is not a medical dictionary. And quick before I die from my vampire/fruit fly/pirate disease...

More pictues...

2005-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

This is apparently an acceptable advertising method in Freiburg...
And more piraty goodness, me hartys!

Frankfurt

2005-11-14T13:36:00.000-08:00

Rike and me in Frankfurt two weekends ago...

Berlin!

2005-11-14T13:22:00.000-08:00

The most important thing in Berlin ??? The hotel Michael Jackson dangled his baby from of course
And then there's me infront of that whole Brandenburger Tor thing

Pirates we be!

2005-11-14T13:18:00.000-08:00

Me and my Austrailian Emmas!

Deutsches Post

2005-11-14T02:34:00.000-08:00

Might be Deutsche Post. I'm not sure if its die Post or das Post, der/die/das isn't my strong suit. But I'm pretty sure its not der Post. Wait I'm going to check ... die Post. ScheiÃe that makes it Deutsche Post... Anyways now that the word Post has lost its meaning, I'm going to get to the point.

I remembered a "good" story.

So I got a package in der Post a few days ago. And the delivery man, who in no way whatsoever looked official in the least. Kept mumbling something in German about paying money. And I just sorta nodded my head, smiled and ja and nein-ed my way though it, which I usually do when I don't understandwhat'ss going on, which is all too often. But then he stopped and looked at me and clearly expected an answer.

After explaining to him in German that I didn't know what the hell he was talking about and that my German isn't that good he switched in to English and asked me, "Do you need to pay for the package?" This was accompanied with some arm waving and pointing in the general direction of the package. Completely confused I tell him no I didn't need to pay for the package, because I didn't or at least I don't think I was supposed to. To which he asked me, "Are you bull shitting me? You're not bull shitting me are you? Are you?"

So now there is a scary "postman" at my door yelling at me about whether or not I'm bull shitting him. And he's trying to take money from me to get a package of clothing from home. At this point I just picked up the package and nein-ed and danke-ed my way away from the door and ran back upstairs.

Anyways maybe I'm not doing a very good job explaining this, but it was very strange and now I have a fear of getting packages in the mail. This is also further evidence that the Germans aren't really asefficientt and on top of things as the rest of the world claims they are. Is it not his job todeliverr packages? (Perhaps it really isn't and he was just trying to scam me for money.) But shouldn't he know for certain if I need to pay? (Which I wouldn't.)

Bottom line, boo on scary Deutsche Post Mann!

Kezboards

2005-11-14T02:05:00.000-08:00

Have I taken a moment to complain about German kezboards_ Thez reallz make me verz verz mad. Thez#re reallz hard to use. And now its hard for me to tzpe on an American kezboard, do zou know what I mean_

Yes, that is what you end up with if you try to type like usual. Honestly why would you put the question mark up at the top next to the 0? It takes about 12 fingers to get to the apostrophe and I never realized how much the letter Y is in English till it switched places with the Z. Oh and the @ hangs out with the Q, and you have to press a special button to use it. It took me about 15 minutes to figure out how to get it at first.

So ends mz rant... But I want everyone to appreciate how much effort I've put into typing things right, ok?

Ich bin ein Berliner!

2005-11-14T01:56:00.000-08:00

Well not really, actually a pirate!

I went to a costume party on Friday for Fasching. The 11th of November is the first day of Carnival in Germany even though most of the celebration isn't until February. I have to figure out some way to get some pictures online because I make the coolest Captain Morgan ever and you all need to see it! I am always dressing up as a Pirate from now on.

But as much fun as the Fasching party was it has prompted my first alcohol "Detox" in Germany, but only till Wednesday. Ha ha! Its turned out to be a good way to save money, but now that I can't go out for a drink there really is nothing to do in this country on the weekends.

Hmm... I thought I had something else to say...

Berlin

2005-11-07T08:11:00.000-08:00

I went to Berlin over the weekend. I've got a lot of pictures I'm going to try and put up soon. It was very cool, saw all the big stuff. Checkpoint Charlie, the Wall, Brandenburger Tor, the Hotel Michael Jackson dangled his baby from, Jewish History Museum...

The train ride however was not fun. And no more of this "punctual" Germans crap. 3 out of my 4 trains over the weekend were late, so I missed my connection both going there and coming back. On the way back from Berlin they just sorta stopped the train in the middle of nowhere and then these official train people were walking around out side the train for about 30 minutes. And then we went again. I'm sure death was upon us.

But by far the best part of my train ride back was not having a seat at all. I paid €55 to stand or sit in the aisles with hoards of other people all day long. I really enjoyed myself.

Gotta go finish my spectaular-ily horrible-tastic presentation on German History.
And I'm not spell checking this so deal with it. It makes the computer go all crazy.

All Saints Day

2005-11-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

All Saints Day, also known as the offical day of bordem, was offically boring.

Germany seems to be the land of eternal Sundays, too many hours in the day and not enough to do.

Here is how I celebrated yesterday:

11:00 Wake up.
12:00 Watch "What Women Want"
2:00 Eat, eat, eat
3:00 Watch "The Big Lebowski"/Nap
6:00 Cancel the internet
7:00 Watch "Brother Bear"
9:30 Read Dracula
10:30 Sleep

I don't think I've ever done so little in one day. I'm pretty sure I ate about 3000 calories and burned maybe 20.

And since today is my "friday" tomorrow is once again "sunday."

The Internet

2005-11-02T07:20:00.000-08:00

Last update about this I swear. But it is offically no more. I would like a moment of silence for the internet that will never be.

More proof I have friends

2005-10-31T07:02:00.000-08:00

This is Nicole, me and Tracy in Freiburg on the 15th of Oktober. Not sure why we took a picture in the dark, sorry there's not a lot to look at. But aren't those some nice bikes behind us?

Volksfest in Stuttgart

2005-10-31T06:49:00.000-08:00

Lets face it, I like going places where I can order liters of beer. This is Heather, me, Tracy and Carlie at Volksfest ... the second time we went.

So I'm not German handicapped...

2005-10-31T02:13:00.000-08:00

I went to Frankfurt this weekend and realized that its not my fault I can't understand German. I blame the Germans.

Frankfurt German ... makes total sense. Clear, coherent sentences.

Stuttgart German ... feel free to add 'le' and 'ze' where you want, when you want. Also don't forget to drop the last syllable of every word. And the end result is something that barely resembles German as I've learned it.

The most discouraging part was when my German friends in Frankfurt told me that they can barely understand the dialect spoken in and around Stuttgart.

But anyways Frankfurt proved itself to be just as cool as I remember it, if not cooler. I'm going to try and post some pictures soon.

I also met up with my neighbor from home for dinner. So I've officially had my first visitor, what are the rest of you waiting for?

And finally Happy Halloween!!!! And Happy All Saints Day on November 1st to any one who can tell me what All Saints Day is. All I know is that I don't have class tomorrow. Fine by me.

I hate the internet...

2005-10-27T02:57:00.000-07:00

Week 3, Tuesday, Part 1: So for the thousandth time I try to explain to the yahoos in the internet office, in broken German with lots of hand gestures, what is wrong with my internet. Last week they were pretty certain it must be the modem. Now they tell me its probably the cords. They give me new cords and tell me to go home and set it up. Give it a half hour and if it doesn't work to come back down.

Week 3, Tuesday, Part 2: The cords don't make a difference. I spent half an hour in my room looking at the modem waiting for the light to stop blinking. It never did. So I march myself back over there and tell them that it didn't change anything. At which point the girl tells me that the problem must be the modem! So this is where I look like one of those cartoon characters with steam coming out of my ears. I ask her at this point in my friendliest English, because I'm sick of not being able to say mean, if she can check in the computer to make sure everything got entered in right and that they actually did turn my internet on.

She asks for my paperwork and then spends a full 25 minutes poking around the computer. Finally she comes back over to me and tells me she found the mistake and fixed it. Purely out of curiosity I ask her what the mistake was and she told me that the modem serial number was wrong. But in fact all she managed to do was change the serial number for the second modem she gave me back to the serial number of the first modem I had because the paperwork that I had on me only had the first modems serial number.

Is anyone still reading this? Its okay if you're not, I probably would have stopped by now. I know this story is long but I'm almost at the end sorta.

So when I point out, back in German at this point, I'm trying here, what she did and how she didn't find any mistake and didn't in fact fix anything she gets mad. So then she goes back and sits at her computer for a bit, clicks around, accomplishes nothing and comes back over.

At this point I don't even care so I'm not really listening to whats coming out of her mouth. What I did catch though was that the problem is most likely with the modem. However now they are all out of modems that they can give out, nevermind the pile of 20 or so modems behind her, I guess none of them work, just like the two they've given me. But she did tell me that ... are you ready for this, I should come back next week.

Now I get to wait a whole week again before I can go back there and do anything about my internet. So I'll be back there canceling my internet on Tuesday.

Internet wollen machen

2005-10-25T04:10:00.000-07:00

So the ever elusive internet is remaining ever elusive.

I've been trying unsuccessfully for the last 3 weeks to get the internet hooked up in my room. The internet office is only open Monday evening from 6 to 7. This is sorta how it went...

Week 1: I fill out paperwork that I don't understand (probably sold my soul to the devil or enlisted in the German National Army, not sure which) and they give me a modem. I take it home with this crazy pronged plug thing and about 15 cords and hook it all up. It then proceeds to do nothing for the rest of the week, never once does my computer pick up a connection.

Week 2: I go back to the office the following Monday explain to them in my horribly horrible German that the modem or something isn't working and this light flashed all week long. That isn't supposed to happen so they give me a new modem. I take it back home, reconnect this new modem to the 15 cords and the crazy pronged box deal, and it still doesn't work. The new modem flashes just like the old one did. Guess where I'm going to be next Monday?

Week 3: I attempt to go to the internet office again to give them a few choice words in German but the Arschlochs now have a sign up that the office hour, singular, has been moved to Tuesday night.

Week 3, Tuesday: So tonight I'm headed back over to the internet office to give them a piece of my mind auf Deutsch. Conveniently they moved their office hour to the one night of the week I have an evening class and naturally its the one class where the professor went on and on about how attendance is mandatory.

I can't win. Maybe this whole internet thing wasn't meant to be.

Better spaet than nie

2005-10-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

Visual proof that I was infact at Oktoberfest...

Jeans!!!

2005-10-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

I managed to accomplish the impossible today. I bought jeans and they aren't acid wash and they don't have ugly stitching and they don't have rhinestones. It was truly miraculous, because no offense to the Germans but they do have quite possibly the worlds worst fashion sense. I'm just really proud of myself. Had to share.

"Friday"

2005-10-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

So its my Friday...

And I couldn't be happier. I managed to make it through a couple more classes though and I managed to run scared from a couple more as well. Did you ever have a bad first day at school when you were little? It sucked right... Now imagine that really bad day times three and in German. You would then have a rough approximation of my first week of classes.

The one class that did go well was my Einführung in das Alte Testament (Intro to the Old Testament). Which, by the way I am 100% positive is taught by George W. Bush's German body double. But thankfully he teaches his class like a sermon, really slowly and with lots of long pauses, so I'm able to understand most of it. I even caught a joke or two.

Now I am going home to do anything not related to sitting in class and trying to pick out the few German words I do know. Which most likely means I'm going to go home, eat Gummi Bears and read.

P.S. Hopefully I'll get internet in my room one of these days. Then I can upload some pictures and this blog won't suck too much.

First day of class...

2005-10-17T03:55:00.000-07:00

I successfully made it through one class, Spanisch, and rather unsuccessfully made it through another, some Mozart class.

Spanisch made sense, more or less, although I don't really think its best to learn a third language, in your second language. But the professor kept saying Mucho Gusto over and over and over. And I could really go for some Mexican food right now.

The Mozart class however, I somehow managed to miss the first hour and a half of the apparently three hour class. Which is fine by me, it was hard enough sitting there for an hour and a half not understanding anything. I'm pretty sure the professor is some rare breed of ventriloquist. He could talk without even opening his mouth. So all I heard was one long hour and a half slurred sentence.

Belhk lk eroiu wekj MÃ¶glichkeiten jkjlkw uoqac. Wlkjw peret xawpi Ã¶lewe Ã¤aede Bilder in Bilder dargestellt. Nlkk oiur lkjlkj Vergliech kjlkjf Einfluss, gowipe soiitg sich selbst zu portratieren. Qkgsaj pioiwe cclksaa wheslk Ordnung.

And so on and so on. Its nice to know after 6 years of german I was able to pick out every 35th word.

Germany...

2005-10-17T03:47:00.000-07:00

I've been here for over a month and a half, but now I actually have the internet, sorta. So I'm going to try this blog thingy, sorta.

I'm not saying that I do anything all that interesting or that anyone should really care its just that I've got a lot of free time on my hands, so why not blog?

Guten Morgen Morgan

2005-08-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, now EVERYONE has a blog.