June 12, 2012

Words to einführen

Q: What is einführen you (Hello hypothetical reader / voices in my head!) might ask?

A: Einführen is one of the words I'd like to introduce to the english language it means... well it means introduce. Get off my back, I just like it better than introduce. 

To the point though...

I would like my contribution to mankind to be the einführen-ing of a new word. Since I'm not likely to get anywhere with einführen, here is my first, and alas only, submission. Ahem:


Yes it's a word, but I'd like to give it a new meaning.

Certain beverages of an alcoholic nature, see previous post, can be ordered neat or on the rocks. But what if you only want one rock? Think about it. 

June 11, 2012

Things I won't do on this blog:

1. fail to capitalize the beginning of sentences. look around, the capital letter is dead.

2. Use annoying font colors, underline important shit so you get confused and think there is a link to click on, or make the text really big.

And I'm going to stop myself there. Two feels like plenty. If this list were any longer I'd almost certainly be setting myself up for failure down the road. I seem to have a hard time not doing things I say I'm not going to do. The shorter this list, the fewer hypocritical posts we're in for. Though doing things I said I wouldn't do could prove to be a pretty interesting theme...it has been noted.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got myself a date with a cold alcoholic beverage and Desperate Housewives on Netflix... Let the sinning begin!

June 9, 2012

Sir Charles

Things that this pussy cat has to be grumpy about:

1. Being fed regularly
2. Having a free place to stay
3. Getting belly rubs
4. Having someone clean up after him
5. Being bored because he has too much free time

Things that this pussy is grumpy about:

1. Something... at about 6 am every single day

June 6, 2012

You put your new blog in, you take your old blog out...

You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.

Sorry, I digress.

I am refraining from starting this post with something along the lines of "I'm back!" because, lets face it, once you look back on the eight years (The years, where have they gone!?!) of your blog archives and you see upwards of nine posts with that title, or some variation thereof, you realize "I'm back!" really means: "I'm here for a short period of time while my ego gets the best of me!" or "I'll be updating this again since I'm low on friends and don't get out much!"

I've got more fake post titles along these lines but I'm assuming you understand by now that I am here for an uncertain length of time and I don't want to make a showy debut because that will only heighten the embarrassment when I stop posting in a month.

Now, on to my showy debut.

"So, eight years of archives?" you say.
"Where are they?" you say.

I removed them. They're mostly from the year I spent in Germany and the end of college. Believe it or not the things you write and do when you're 20 are a little embarrassing 7 years later. Shocking, I know.

Anyhow, I'm thinking it might be fun to revise the good ones and re-post them as a sort of trip down memory lane that only I will find memorable. Honestly, I'm not trying to "Eternal Sunshine" my life, I just wanted to give this blog a fresh start. I don't want it judged for the nude photos it took before being crowned Miss America, like Vanessa Williams. Not that this blog, or the author, ever posed nude. Or was ever awarded any measure of honor.

Now I've lost my train of thought... Ah yes, this is a blog, I am feeding my ego by posting here. Surely you want more information which brings me to a segment I will call:

"Questions my nonexistent readers, aka the voices in my head, have."

Here we go:

Q: If you're not drinking too much beer and slacking off in college whatever will you write about?
A: I'm not really sure yet. I've been feeling like I want to get back into writing for a while now, but I'm only interested if there is glory involved. Clearly this blog is where the glory comes in.

Q: Now that you've put your big-girl pants on and have a job when will you find time to post?
A: I'm really wearing more what I would call big-girl capris since I'm only sort of acting like an adult. I don't work on Fridays and I work from home, so actually let us call them big-girl pajama pants. All that to say: it is my goal to at least post on Fridays when I'm not working. And to hopefully post a little bit during pajama-clad downtime Monday through Thursday.

Q: Shouldn't you wrap this blog post up because the chances of someone reading a long post without any pictures are pretty slim?
A: Yep.

And that's what it's all about! (Hopefully you also still have the hokey pokey stuck in your head, if not then you likely read that last line with the wrong em-phasis.)